Bayram Chocolates and Peppa Rockets

Today Ceyda and i went to our friend and neighbours house, to make Bayram Chocolates. The Bayram Holiday will be in a few days. We both had a lovely time. She adores this family... 

Here are the pics...Ceyda was like a factory, marshmallow, dip dry and repeat...so cute. She couldnt stop talking about her morning. In the afternoon we made a Peppa Pig Rocket with boxes and house bits and bobs...photos tomorrow as the camera battery has died and suprise i cant find the charger. 

mmmm yummy !! 

Dipt

Carefully putting on the tray : )

the finished product 

Ceyda Friends

I should note Lisa ( Es mummy)  was behind me saying look at my finger  : ) 

Today we had a playdate with Ceydas Toddler buddies : ) Emma and Aiden. Here are some pics of the three of them together. Ceyda was exhausted by the lunchtime ( after an unsettled nights sleep)  and far too much fun with Aiden and Emma and was miserable until she went to bed. That was until..she decided it was talk time and chattered away to me for over 30mins.. Normally i am pretty strict about her talking once the lights are out but she was geniunely being so darn cute and funny. Any attempt to be serious was thrwarted. For example she told me me the old man on the bus farted !! i had no idea she had even noticed...toddlers are hilarious, then there was the discussion about how much she likes Aidens trains and then how much she likes Aiden and Aidens house.. then there was Emma horses. This reminded me of what she said to my sister in law ( who is staying with us right now) today when she came home..Quote  "bussa nice hair" ( Buşra). and proceeded to learn forward over the table to touch it with her palm the way a person does with a face. Where that came from no one knows ? ? ...

 

How the decluttering / Cleanse going ? & a whole lot more...

First of all i am going to change the name to cleanse.. declutter feel well to cluttered : )

The answer is honestly not great. Apart from bagging and giving 5 bags of second hand clothes to charity and clearing my "posh living room " ( the only things posh in it is the marble fireplace.. the Ikea curtains,old recovered couches and borrowed pillows not so much..) Still it is my favourite room in the house and as with most of my favourite things will barely be used. 

This means that i still have the home office, and spare bedroom to tackle... 

(oh i just remembered i also clearned the cupboard under the stairs yay ! i can reach my tumble drier now ) 

Actually a hoarder could come to my home and find me quite mad as i dont actually have that much stuff what i do have though, is an obsession with storage and orderliness... no one tells you that orderliness and toddlers dont mix..please i am not making excuses just merely pointing out that on a normal day when i am cleaning bedrooms putting clothes away etc Ceyda is normally in her room trying on all her clothes... I call it the tidy up sprint ,as if i am fast enough i can minimise the mess she makes. Ok back to the cleanse. 

I think this will be a longer process  than i would have liked for one i am still waiting for DH to find a ladder so that we can put said storage away to be stored..

Ok back to Ceyda. We had such a lovely day today. It was one of those easy days where activites and duties flowed perfectly. So here is what we did. 

*3 loads of washing (one of which still in machine take note Isla) cleaned kitchen twice..hoovered twice ( dropped bag of sugar on the floor...) tidied bedrooms. Prepared spare room and bathroom for new guest arriving tonight.

* Read all of her favourite books..including her new leapfrog tag books which she loves

* Counted..manadarins and apples alot... counting is kind of her thing right now

* Sang songs to a daft Pegga Pig CD

* Went for a lovely walk to the supermarket where i pretty much forgot to get everything i actually needed.

* Puzzle time..Ceyda is freakishly good at puzzles

* Watched Little Einsteins

* Played in the garden with Lucky

and last but not least painted before Dinner "project shapes".. the idea was for Ceyda to paint the shapes i had prepared..and once the meal was on the cooker i joined her and well we had far to much fun cos i burnt the dinner : ( : ( 

* Pasta with ready sauce for tea then. 

The one thought that i had all day was "GRATEFUL" regardless of feeling as though i am tumbling around at times, regardless of feeling the depth of loneliness at times, i am grateful for everthing and everyone i have in my life. I am grateful for everything i think and feel and grateful for my journey.

Last night i blog surfed something i have never done. I found many beautiful blogs but there was one that caught me..it was the blog of a mother who had lost a child. She had brought only one of of twins home from the hospital. My heart hurts for this person still... as she is lost between the living and the dead. I know you dont know me but i hope you find your way. 

Although there is no comparison it made me think of my first baby bee. I miscarried at 15 weeks. I love you. I think of you often my dear little boy. We are waiting for you. 

Isla x

Morning

Its very early, Ceyda tumbled out of her bed at 5.30am and we are both subsequently wide awake. 

Ceyda is watching the last 20mins of Tinkerbell. (she has been watching it in parts since the start of the week) and i am sitting at the kitchen table reading the news and blogging away. 

The week is calmly coming to a close and i feel more at home with myself. 

A friend mailed me after reading my blog post about being lonely and was concerned and i tried to explain to her that i didn't write that i am lonely to create concern but to be more true to myself. By writing it, by creating a witness to my feelings i am embracing it, owning it and trying to understand it and in turn become more comfortable with it. I was able to see the reason behind the loneliness far more clearly than allowing the feeling to continue to rumble around my head. That's the strange things about loneliness though, sometimes when you accept it..it slinks away into the shadows. I found this article about Loneliness in Spirituality Today, in the article the writer discusses loneliness as a human condition and as a fear. A fear of being alone. The article article allowed me to see that i fear loneliness perhaps more than the loneliness itself so if i choose not to fear it , to embrace it perhaps it will lead me somewhere....

I also listened to a Eckhart Tolle video on Loneliness. I love to hear him speak his voice is so calming. 

Solitude...

On Thursday a mummy friend offered to have Ceyda at her home for a play date, the idea was for me to drop her off and have a couple of hours to myself... something that very very rarely happens. Living abroad means that all of my family are miles away and my husbands family mostly live in Istanbul so for the most part it is Ceyda and i and daddy when work finishes. Which i have no real complaints about but recently i have felt the increasing need for solitude. It might seem strange that i would admit loneliness but crave solitude but in essence i think they are very different perhaps because this is how we have been conditioned to view them. Loneliness is thought  to be a negative emotion, it can become all consuming and painful, yet solitude is the happy sister. Solitude brings time to nurture the soul..and spend time with yourself in a positive way. In solitude i read, meditate, try to to Yoga (very unsuccessfully may i add) i relax have hot baths, ponder and feel awakened. In loneliness i felt/feel lost. 

The morning was magical although a little nerve wracking for me. My daughters friends mother is a kindergarten teacher and i reasoned with myself that she would be more than capable of taking excellent care of Ceyda. (did i mention that i am a helicopter mum?) Ceyda was completely unfussed only blowing a kiss from their playroom and shouting "bye mummy later" . 

It took a while to feel relaxed without her but once i did it was so nice to walk around to clothes shop, have a coffee, read a trashy magazine and be at home with myself. Solitude. 

Ceyda also had a wonderful time she told me animatedly on our bus journey home how much she likes Emma and how much fun they had. I felt refreshed, or rather i feel refreshed and she missed me...and i her infact i ached for her.

Ceyda Loves...

What is Ceyda Bee doing these days. ?

My  bee is 2 years 3 months old,  90cm and 12 kg ( perhaps more after a growth spurt the last couple of days) 

Ceyda loves...animals especially our Dog Lucky who "makes her better" whenever she has a bump. It still amazes me of how she asks for this (even hours later) she will come home and ask for Lucky to make her better. When she was smaller Luckys "kisses" were a wonderful distraction to the drama of a bump.. he the dotting dog would always come running when he heard her cry and still comes to her call much quicker than mine.

kisses

so how was your day ?

Loves Cats or Rah rahs especially baby ones...

Ceyda has a special facination with " diddle diddles" this is what she calls tiny creatures such as ants..bugs..snails..worms, when we are in the garden we spend alot of time with the "diddle diddles"...

She also loves...

*reading her favourite book is " Slinkly Malinky" followed closely by " Owl Babies" and "Giraffes cant dance"

* Drawing /painting and crafting of af any shape or form as long as its messy

* Puddle jumping like Peppa Pig and gardening

* The Disney movie the Aristocats suprise !

* Peppa pig we have lots of Peppa puzzles games and cards as well as some dvds

* Baking with me ( we are planning coconut and cranberry Thurs ! ) 

* Playdates with her friends.. 

The things she says that make me laugh

 *  "So sorry mummy" ( with a tilt to her head  most often said after Time Out ) 

 * "No doctor mummy" she says this every time we go out at the moment after being ill.. followed by "me better"

* any conversation that starts of understandable " mummy lucky jumped eat me.." and flows into complete incomprehension as she gets so excited.

Actually there are just to many priceless moments i wish i could log everyone...

Love you bee... 

Embracing Loneliness

Being lonely is such a contradiction for me as i love to be alone and right now i crave for more time for myself...yet as hard as it to admit i feel lonely much of the time. Of course i am not alone i have lovely friends and a beautiful very fun daughter but i feel lonely.

Many of my friends have in the past few months started work again ( friends who used to pop by for playdates and long afternoon chats.)....or thier lives have suddenly become so busy or they are travelling or have returned home..as a result i am spending alot more time alone with Ceyda. I am also travelling into town up to 3 times a week and find this exhaustive. Ceyda said to me yeterday as we walked to the bus "no mama no bus", this broke my heart : (

I am tired and heavy my energy is low and i am trying to embrace this deep feeling of loneliness and see where it takes me. 

Today is stage 1 of my declutter day, Ceyda will spend a few hours at the office with her daddy and i will pack up all of our old clothes to go to charity. Clear up the house and try to get my haircut..lets see how that goes. lol...i might need a timer  : ) : ) 

The rest of this week i am either going to post pictures or write about Ceyda.I need to back off me for a while and give myself some time to get comfortable. : )

Declutter

I have just finished reading this article on http://holisticmum.blogspot.com/2009/11/great-mind-decluttering-experiment.html about mind decluttering. The article has made me take stock of how utterly full i feel. I am bouncing around like a ball in one of those lottery boxes. I realised i need to take stock a little, focus relax and declutter internally and externally.

Today was full to the brim of toddler excitement apart from generally feeling as though i was shooting bolts of electricity i just felt like i couldnt find enough to entertain Ceyda and get all the others things done. I know this is partly because i have just spent the best part of  4 days indoors with a sick toddler no sleep and a house guest who snores !! I guess today i kind of exploded...the result Ceyda and i actually had a great day (spent mostly outdoors).. my husband took the wrath of my explosion ( i focused on being calm around my daughter so much that by the time she went to bed...) and i realised i really need to not let things build up like this. 

I also just read this article on Little Buddha i guess it found me : ) : ) : )

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-to-let-go-and-overcome-a-bad-mood/

Sweet Dreams

xx