My Reality verus anothers...

Today was one of those days when the hormones took control.. i spent much of the day in tears..its incredible how a misread or misunderstood email can floor you. I spent most of the day fending of negative energies and for want of a better word  frittering ie i got very little done. Thanks to an email from a lovely friend ( you know who you are) who was willing to share the burden with me. I was able to rebalance the day. Pull myself out of the negativity and reaccess..maybe i deserve it ? maybe i dont  ? but all i know is i dont want it now so i choose not to own it.. ( for now). 

Then i read this blog aletheastory and reality of life hits, while i am fretting about someone who probably in the worst case just doesnt like me, the women in the blog above is fighting terminal cancer.Reality. 

Dear So and So

Please see 3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com for the origins of Dear So and So : ) 

Dear Me 
Great job with the detox not so great to celebrate the weight lost with a bar of chocolate though !!
Me 


Dear Dog 
I know its raining but you cannot stay in your dog sleeping chamber underneath the house all day and night..please stop making me walk through the rain so that you will eat. I get wet too.
Me


Dear Rain 
Just stop will you its been 2 days !
Me 


Dear husband 
Apologies for any fertility drug induced freak outs over the next week. Really i am sorry but these things make me all weepy and crazy..i know it scares you but it freaks the hell out of me. 
Your lovely wife
xxx


Dear me 
Dont let the fertility drug rollercoaster overwhelm you.
Me 


Dear old lady on bus 
No its not Ok to poke my daughter in the face and be upset that she hit you. Point : old ladies on buses leave my daughter alone i know she is cute but all this poking is turning her into a biter !! 
Me


Dear mother on the bus 
Next time your whinging 8 year old son keeps telling you he is going to throw up listen to him : ) ...it would have saved alot of people a ruined afternoon. 
Me

Sweet Dreams !
xxx

Baking...and other funny things

Fun with bee..today Ceyda has had me in stitches all day she just comes out with the funniest things. First of all i am exhausted she joined us in our bed at 4am. This is the first time she has ever done this through choice, she likes her own space, now i know why... she is a queen sprawler and kicker. Fast forward, add a few extra coffees and  here are just a few of the things she said to me today that made me laugh. 

" oh no no potty... nappy today Isla " 

" bravo mummy shinning " her response to our newly cleaned oven 

"Lucky hungry " ( as she is dragging the 15kg bag of dog food to the back door) she says this before i even ask her what she is doing, i love standing back and watching her..

In the afternoon we made a bits and bobs healthy Carrot cake, the reason for the bits and bobs...well we were low on carrots had no white flour (used wholewheat equally good) and subbed pecans for walnuts.. the result was yummy enough : ) : )

Here is my favourite pics of Ceyda jumping a bit ahead of herself in the beginning. No pics of the finished product i gave it to hubby to take to boys football night...too much tempatation to leave in the house and it was out the door before i even had a chance to take some pics.

pe pe in the potay !!

I have been working relentlessly with Ceyda for weeks trying to convince her now is the time she can start using the big girl toilet and potty again. At the end of he summer, when she was only 2 years old she was by all accounts potty trained..i thought...until we went back to the UK. My parents have an old large house that creeks and cracks wherever you go... the stress of trying to find the toilet was just too much for her. On the second day she said she had to go " wee wee" and not even i could sprint with her down the hall in time. We tried giving her the privacy of her own loo in the pantry but all the tupperware and canned foods were far too much of a distraction.. and when the tears started i made the decision to revert back to nappies... 

Now 5 months later and she now just refuses... she will happily pee anywhere but in the toilet.  She is not one to push or coerce easily, i have know this since she turned one, Ceyda is determined to do what she wants in her own time no one elses. That was until today when out of knowhere she came to me and said " mummy me wee wee in toilet " i actually panicked, the toilets covers and block for her to stand on were under the stairs     (we had eledery guests at the weekend didnt want to have any toliet confusion or accidents with them in my little loo) 

We were in time and i was so happy afterwards i began the pee pee in the potty song.. ( i think it was from Look Who's Talking ) she has been singing the song ever since. Now what ? back to the potty training books  ? Do i pop pants on her tomorrow ? It feels like one down and a million to go... and then there is the number twos she told me she didnt want to do number two in the toilet cos they quote " smell and look ewww" i said but is it better if they are close to your bottom... and a definitive " Yes Isla" ( she always calls me Isla when she thinks i am being daft" Sometimes i can hear her age 13 saying oh Isla pleeese you are embarassing me !!!

Silent Sunday

2011

Usually at the end of every year i make up this grand list of things that i want to achieve... what i want to work on... how i want the year to be. This year i didnt do this, my list was shorter and therefore memorable...

*to work further on family relationships that i that thought were once healed

* to remain as connected as possible to dear friends wherever they may be

* to spend more time with my sisters

* to " move on" from my fears and trust myself and all that surrounds me

* to trust my body, it gave me Ceyda... and it will hopefully give me a baby brother or sister for her.

I had this email from a friend from high school recently..i was congratulating her on her newly launched singing career her reply was sweet and authentic and her words made me smile.                                                        " I'd heard that you'd settled in Turkey and were very happy focussing on your 'brood' ;) you always did have a knack for looking after us all! " 

Its true i was often the designated by choice,semi sober one but thats not why i smiled, it was because i realised i have learnt to take of myself as well as others and more importantly allow others to take care of me. 

What have i learnt from 2010, that the things i do are my own choices, conscious or subconscious and that i cannot and should not have expectations of others. ( I wish i had know this several years ago when a dear friendship ended or rather had to be ended ) 

Ok...

I am about to sit down with my last Cadburys Hot Chocolate ( my mother brought them for her trip to visit us )  and my bee and watch a movie of her choice, she is tired and i am crampy and uncomfortable..İ: ( : (. and let the thoughts of impending fertility treatment sink in. Its a journey i am ready for but some snuggling with bee will make everything seem better...(plus a heat in the microwave lavender bag : ) 

My Lovely Mum & Ceyda at Coffee Shop

New Year Crispness...

At the end of Dec 2010 i felt a huge shift within myself almost earthquake like.. this strange thing happened i was walking around town on my own as i had left Ceyda at a friends for a playdate and as i was crossing the road i had a very very close call with a motorbike.. i still have no idea what caused me to stop dead in my tracks the bike was going so fast that i felt the wind brush past me. I felt as though time had stopped and that i was in slow motion. The second later after the bike had passed the old lady next me said i was Lucky. I didnt  realise the significance of this until i relived the event the past weekend, as walked over the same road. I remembered feeling light and quite sick afterwards, things were aleady starting to settle down in my life by the time it happened but for some reason afterwards i felt rooted, grounded in way that i hadnt felt all year. Strange i know. 

I am looking forward to this year, it feels fresh and crisp like the cold morning weather i am waking up to here. 

I have cold right now but even feel like i just wanted an excuse to hibernate for a while after so many visitors and my body has "gifted" this to me. I am sure i wouldnt be staying this if i had the flu !! 

Happy New Year !! & Sisters

Wow sorry for the huge lapse in communication. I decided a media detox would be a great start to the New Year and it just got longer and longer. Where to start... my lovely sister Lara came to visit with her son Max  and hubbie Mark on the 28th Dec, we had a magical time ( i hope she can say the same ) Lots of great long conversations (and walks) about life..love..happiness and nuturing our souls..there is nothing quite like knowing someone so well that you can be talking about Tolle and Chopra in one moment and commenting on the "must have"  bag the next.. i love that our conversations can dip in and out like this. 

Ceyda just loved baby Max but had to be reminded constantly of his size and his inabilty to be a "Toddler", at time it was hard work (and i am sure stressfull for my sis) On the whole though considering that she has never had a baby around her, i think she was pretty good and by the time Lara and Max were leaving she was quite attatched to her little " cousin" friend. There were some trying times though like her teasing him by giving him a toy and then snatching it back...and some hilarous times like when she put him in "Time Out" for not closing his eyes (she wanted to give him a present)  Conversation Ceyda style " Coose eyes coose eyes ok time out" : ) : ) Also Ceyda breastfeeding her doll everytime Lara fed Max... : ) very cute !!

Fun at the Park

Peekaboo!!

I Love my silly mummy 

Ceyda vary happy to be feeding Max

Cute Family !!

Thanks for coming Big Sister Bee we had a ball !!