ME TOX

At the end of 2010 and start of 2011 i completed my house detox...with the help of my lovely husband who set up my home office with fantastic Ikea shelving units.. i even got a desk and lamp thrown in too : ). the house is now fully undercontrol, (spare bedroom even decorated) when it is of course newly cleaned... the rest of the time it is tidy but lived in, just the way i like it.

There is a room of boxes to go in the attic and a few idle peices of furniture that need moved but otherwise the clutter is gone.

After things didnt work out fertilty wise i decided and felt that it was my turn a metox was and is what i need. Yesterday i started a 3 day juice detox, today at 6pm i very nearly passed out  i actually saw stars and black spots, i was really suprised as i wasnt even feeling all that a.tired b. bad c. dare i say hungrey ? 

Perhaps the problem is that i am not a huge fan of drinking gallons of juice anyway after a little net research i decided to include soups. Tonights was a yummy bowl of Lentil (Ceydas fave). So day three starts the juice and soup detox. Actually i have cheated just a teeny teeny bit every day...with one black organic coffee in the morning. I plan to cute the coffee out on Sat when i can hibernate for a couple of days. 

I am not doing this solely to loose weight, i feel sluggish tired and weighed down my body is telling me it needs this and so far so good. 

Dance Magic Dance

The last few days i have been feeling completely consumed by what i call heavy head syndrome basically i get locked into thinking far too much..questions/ answers/ balance/ imbalance/ darkworkers /lightworkers world politics/ puppet politics...on and on and on. I know know myself well enough to know this is my own creation usually to avoid something that i am not ready to accept and process.

I can become very intense without meaning to and internalise far too much..i probably sound quite weird right now but the video above made it crash away... memories of dancing to this song with my sisters and my almost embaressing love of this movie and now i am smiling really smiling and the intensity is leaving the room...if only i could dance.

Tinkerbell plays...

Toddlers are like elephants they never forget or at least Ceyda never does. Last night Ceyda wanted to wear her Tinkerbell dress to bed we negociated for a while and agreed that she could wear it all day today. She ran upstairs to ge the dress right after breakfast. Sometimes i think she has a better memory than me.. when we go food shopping sometimes i tell her the most important things we need and when i ask her she always remembers she loves this.. helping mummy or Isla as she calls me.

We had our first completely successful nappy free day today and a dry nappy when we came back from our afternoon walk.Yay ! The picture below is Ceyda wanting me to photograph her backpack so she could see what she looked like from behind.. but it of course catches the tinkerbell dress and handbag that came along too... the dress caused quite a spectacle as we came home, we live opposite a mosque and there was a very very large funeral.. at this point ceyda had her jacket off and was on on backpack reign ( she is very very fast ) as we live opposite the overspill from funerals usually means our front door and street become part of the ceremony, something i so not mind at all.. 

We had to weave our way through the crowd...i found the sadness quite suffocating, Ceyda was dancing through the people saying "hello" "scuse me" asking loudly "who these people Isla" my attempts to shh her were hopeless and then i realised peope were smiling.. my little tinkerbell wasnt a noisy toddler but a little ray of sunshine on a sad day for them.Love you bee...

I took these on the way home...

Spot the dogs

Happy Valentines

Ceyda and i made a few Valentines day cards, most were for daddy but the last card was for her friend Aiden. She hasnt been able to see Aiden for a while as his baby brother arrived a few months early  ( all are fine and well now : ) but until baby brother Ethan he reaches his due date its important he stays away from sick people. Ceyda really misses Aiden and every night at bedtime she asks if she will see him the next day : ( : (... they will be reunited soon though....

Miss you friend 

JK Rowling: The fringe benefits of failure | Video on TED.com

Last Night i caught the last half hour of Oprahs interview with JK Rowling... it was one of the best Oprah interviews i have seen... Rowling obvious honesty and authentic answers..especially about money and some very truthful answers from Oprah... they showed a brief clip of Rowlings speech to Harvard Alumi.. the speech is very inspiring and well worth watching.

One other point was made and this point resonated with me...that when you achieve something great the greatest mistake is to try to top that achievement, It must be a new chapter a new achievement with a life and soul of its own.

JK Rowling: The fringe benefits of failure | Video on TED.com

Time

Why is it that whenever we are waiting for something it feels as though time has stood still..or stopped completely in my case.I dont mind waiting for things i am a very patient person most of the time..sometimes i even enjoy waiting savouring the feeling of the unknown and other times i fill my times so the wait is not the focus...

I have attempted to fill my time a great deal over the past week, (maybe weeks) yet it seems an impossible task. Ceydas morning English class today was cancelled...and as a result lovely chats with friends cancelled and later trips to the chemist re-scheduled.I truelly felt frustrated.

Tomorrow i feel the expanse of another whole day at home alone with Ceyda...Ok so not at home all day we will go to the park stop off for yummy coffees and lunch somewhere.. we will probably chatter to about 10 different people on the way.. look for cats dogs and another animals.. take random pictures, we might buy a new colouring book and come home qnd colour and bake...tomorrow is going to be a busy day.: )

Flowers in the Garden

 First signs of Spring...

Silent Sunday

Ceydas 1st

Today was Ceydas first morning at Kindergarten. She was already so excited as we talked about it alot beforehand to prepare. I expected to stay with her for the full 2 hrs today to help her settle..apparently that wasnt neccessary. Even before éher Emma"  as she calls her ,her cute and lovely best friend had arrived she was waving me off.. 

Potty training ( i actually hate calling it that) is going well... the school have asked that she wear pull ups next week as she asked to use the bathroom each time.

Afterwards Ceyda and i went to Starbucks together for lunch , she was so excited to tell me about her morning. Sitting there with our juices and lattes chattering away , i hope that we will be doing this together for as long as time allows..I was suprised when she walked round the corner suddenly ,sometime later alone as i sprinted after her i asked where she was going ... " bathroom Isla"....too cute !!!

Hossy Horsey

I recently posted on the blog of another mother about how when Ceyda was born i was intensely lonely...today i realised that i still feel that all consuming sense of loneliness at times. Its hard for me to admit. 

Today wasnt lonely it was an unexpected trip into the antitheisis of loneliness. After an early check in with the Doctor, Ceyda and i returned to Buca and headed to our local horse stables. By the time we arrived it was lunchtime, we visit often but usually early mornings.. when the stables are full of silence and the gently sounds of the horses.. 

Horses i realise are a a huge gaping hole in my life, they were such a huge part of my childhood, they defined me for so long that when i am around them i almost feel as though i am grieving. My chest tightens and i feel a longing to touch them connect to them and hear them. 

They help create this vast family that was to be called "pony club" its amazing how the shared adoration of this animal created a sense of belonging that i have never been able to recreate.

I still ride occassionally and dream of the day when we have the land and i have time to ride again...

Today i was pulled back into that sense of belonging, arriving late at the stables Ceyda and i chatted with grooms, riders, owners and teachers... As a mother my heart jumped when a large grey mare popped her head over the fence and leaned down to give Ceyda a nuzzle...gently wobbling her lips around Ceydas hands, as a horse lover i saw that my daughter has that same fearless love of horses.

We were invited indoors to watch trainers and horses in the indoor arena and i was joined by a young rider whose father is Scottish... It was a shock to hear the Glasgow accent but instantly felt at home. We chatted a long time about a subject i rarely discuss... Ceyda danced aroung playing with horse shoes and the stable cats. 

We stayed an hour,i could have stayed all day...

I have been invited to ride her horse anytime..an invitation that i cant take now but i know in my heart the first chance i can i will... because i need this..i need it because horses are a huge part of who i am and i miss them...

January In Review

I am following in the footsteps of the Lovely Monica at HolsticMama and doing my first month in review. 


It seems like January was over before it began for us ( and i sense the same for many people ). The last few days i have been full of thoughts.. rumbling around like an out of control train.. this seems the perfect way to voice myself without becoming consumed by too many words and interpretations.

A thought...
The importance of communication and how easily it is open to mis interpretations. Body Language. Language awareness. Cultural differences. Dyslexia and my need to further address this. ( ok so i said there was alot..)


A sound...
Laughter the joy of christmas and new year, little bees first memorable christmas...


A taste...
Hot Chocolate and Lattes, snuggling inside from the cold.


An image..
The cold crisp morning that i took this i was shocked to see such brightness surrounded by darkness. I was overwhelmed by the colours and shared a precious moment with my daughter as we watched it fade away.

RAINBOW IN THE DARKNESS

A scent...
Winter, early morning freshness saturated by coal fires by mid afternoon, love crisp cold winds that keep the freshness recycling.


A word..
Burden, i found myself repeating this word alot in the past month. In a conversation with my husband i told him i was burdened by certain thoughts and situations in our life and he listened. I was heard. 


A touch...
Holding Ceyda while she was sick...my heart ached fo r her yet it was my closeness to her my touch that was the most calming and healing for her (exhausting for me also)


A gift for me..
Spa Massage gifts need i say more... and silence afterwards i remember always getting bored years ago after having regular massages when they take you to the quiet rooms to relax..oh but not this time..my first massage in years and yet it was that silence that was to be my bliss


A post you may have missed...
Posted by a dear friend at alislesin.blogspot.com