I recently completed the Scared Alone ...a wonderful beautiful way to spend two weeks and twenty minutes a day in self love, meditation and soulful thought.
It also helped to pull together the gatherings of the past
year....where i have indeed, blanketed myself in the alone.... i really cant
call it loneliness as it doesn't feel lonely anymore, its like the lonely part
just floated away.( In a good way ! )
It feels like a blanket or something sacred you own, it
comfortable and always there and loved.
Sometimes i miss it, the feeling of connections, weekly
meetings, lots of faces.. putting the world and universe to right, deep
conversations intermingled with laughter and chatter and coffee shops with
noisy kids but mostly it feels like a lifetime away.
I don't really leave my space anymore, a book club meeting here and
there.. a charity group that can be hard work but i crave the company
every now an again.
I was always the introverted extrovert, except now its like
i am stuck in introvert gear. I am almost lazy in my own space, my energy
goes in work and family...in a cycle.. during my recent soul session i
described my sense of tiredness not loneliness.. Once i saw what i wrote, it
caught me almost winded me. I feel tired...., i think that when surrounded by
people friends or whoever , they reflect back to us what we reflect to them.
Conversation and energy supports mindset.. Now my mindset is the same but its muted
colorless almost.. i am not less happier or sadder or more stressed.. Im
actually no different in the way i think or deal with and process things. But maybe that's why
i feel so comfortable in my own sacred alone.Nothing is actually wrong the picture is still there its just in Black and White now.
My connections have changed, there are Skype conversations
and whats app messages.. blogs and soulful inspiring connections online.
Transition can be hard,I nurture my connections so when they are lost it only makes sense that i also feel lost and perhaps subsequently disconnect.
I always assumed my empathy had
increased over the past few months, but i had one of those moments where the
stars line up after my soul reading with DM and it took a while for the realization to
come.
That my physical & emotional connections maintain the balance, not the other way around. Its why i
feel drawn to people and situations. When i pull back from the world, as i have
done since late Summer last year, the world, the feeling intensifies as there
is no marker, its like jumping into the ocean with no direction.
" but they are under-estimating what it is to be
the kind of empath you are, and really I don’t like to use that as a
description for you. It is not that ‘you are an empath’ and that now explains
everything - it is that your empathy is a symptom, a consequence of you
essentially being who you are who.........you came from a place where
this is how it was. You didn’t switch that off when you came here, and so here
you are feeling everything all the time! " Quote DM.
Of course i had to get here to understand, to see this
and feel this.
So whats next ? Maybe a rope to climb out of the cave : )
.....
