2011

Usually at the end of every year i make up this grand list of things that i want to achieve... what i want to work on... how i want the year to be. This year i didnt do this, my list was shorter and therefore memorable...

*to work further on family relationships that i that thought were once healed

* to remain as connected as possible to dear friends wherever they may be

* to spend more time with my sisters

* to " move on" from my fears and trust myself and all that surrounds me

* to trust my body, it gave me Ceyda... and it will hopefully give me a baby brother or sister for her.

I had this email from a friend from high school recently..i was congratulating her on her newly launched singing career her reply was sweet and authentic and her words made me smile.                                                        " I'd heard that you'd settled in Turkey and were very happy focussing on your 'brood' ;) you always did have a knack for looking after us all! " 

Its true i was often the designated by choice,semi sober one but thats not why i smiled, it was because i realised i have learnt to take of myself as well as others and more importantly allow others to take care of me. 

What have i learnt from 2010, that the things i do are my own choices, conscious or subconscious and that i cannot and should not have expectations of others. ( I wish i had know this several years ago when a dear friendship ended or rather had to be ended ) 

Ok...

I am about to sit down with my last Cadburys Hot Chocolate ( my mother brought them for her trip to visit us )  and my bee and watch a movie of her choice, she is tired and i am crampy and uncomfortable..İ: ( : (. and let the thoughts of impending fertility treatment sink in. Its a journey i am ready for but some snuggling with bee will make everything seem better...(plus a heat in the microwave lavender bag : ) 

My Lovely Mum & Ceyda at Coffee Shop

New Year Crispness...

At the end of Dec 2010 i felt a huge shift within myself almost earthquake like.. this strange thing happened i was walking around town on my own as i had left Ceyda at a friends for a playdate and as i was crossing the road i had a very very close call with a motorbike.. i still have no idea what caused me to stop dead in my tracks the bike was going so fast that i felt the wind brush past me. I felt as though time had stopped and that i was in slow motion. The second later after the bike had passed the old lady next me said i was Lucky. I didnt  realise the significance of this until i relived the event the past weekend, as walked over the same road. I remembered feeling light and quite sick afterwards, things were aleady starting to settle down in my life by the time it happened but for some reason afterwards i felt rooted, grounded in way that i hadnt felt all year. Strange i know. 

I am looking forward to this year, it feels fresh and crisp like the cold morning weather i am waking up to here. 

I have cold right now but even feel like i just wanted an excuse to hibernate for a while after so many visitors and my body has "gifted" this to me. I am sure i wouldnt be staying this if i had the flu !! 

Happy New Year !! & Sisters

Wow sorry for the huge lapse in communication. I decided a media detox would be a great start to the New Year and it just got longer and longer. Where to start... my lovely sister Lara came to visit with her son Max  and hubbie Mark on the 28th Dec, we had a magical time ( i hope she can say the same ) Lots of great long conversations (and walks) about life..love..happiness and nuturing our souls..there is nothing quite like knowing someone so well that you can be talking about Tolle and Chopra in one moment and commenting on the "must have"  bag the next.. i love that our conversations can dip in and out like this. 

Ceyda just loved baby Max but had to be reminded constantly of his size and his inabilty to be a "Toddler", at time it was hard work (and i am sure stressfull for my sis) On the whole though considering that she has never had a baby around her, i think she was pretty good and by the time Lara and Max were leaving she was quite attatched to her little " cousin" friend. There were some trying times though like her teasing him by giving him a toy and then snatching it back...and some hilarous times like when she put him in "Time Out" for not closing his eyes (she wanted to give him a present)  Conversation Ceyda style " Coose eyes coose eyes ok time out" : ) : ) Also Ceyda breastfeeding her doll everytime Lara fed Max... : ) very cute !!

Fun at the Park

Peekaboo!!

I Love my silly mummy 

Ceyda vary happy to be feeding Max

Cute Family !!

Thanks for coming Big Sister Bee we had a ball !! 

Silent Sunday

Christmas

The last few days have been a hectic beautiful wonderful blur. On Thursday i went a little crazy in preparation for my Christmas Party Friday. ( I baked like 100 Cookies) The week anyway was exciting as i was late... Thursday came and went and on Fri my excitement about parties was heavily shadowed by the fact that i discovered that it was yet another chemical pregnancy. The party was lovely but i had terrible headache for the first 4 hrs and at one point i would have liked to curl under the tree with a hot water bottle...still it was lovely to be surrounded by friends and by the end of the day i started to feel better. Here is a picture. 

I was also reminded how getting several 2 years in a room together can result in the type mayhem that is not compatible with hiding under the tree. Ceyda had her first time out in her Bedroom.Here we all are in my living room.

 I was really proud of my decorations this year. The house felt/feels very Christmassy. Christmas day was lovely.... the night before Ceyda and i came downstairs to prepare milk cookies  and carrots for Santa and Rudolph and...we heard a ho ho ho from the living room. We peeked thgrough a crack in the door and there was Santa (lovely Dh in a Santa suit) putting presents under the tree. Ceyda was shocked i wish i could have taken a photo of the wide eyes as we sneaked up stairs.  The conversation afterwards about Santa lenghthend our bedtime routine alot but it was worth it. 

On Christmas day after Ceyda has opened all her presents i sobbed for two hours..went for a family walk and then finally got started on my Jamie Oliver Christmas Turkey. The day ended with my favourite Christmas movie Love Actually. Perfect. Here are some pics.

Yay Presents 

More Presents !!

Seriously Yummy !!

Mummy do i have to smile 

mmmm

Daddy play !!

Craft Revolt and Jingle Bells

Me : "Ceyda lets make an Angel for the tree".

Ceyda "No No mama me not want to"

Me : Ok what about a Santa Claus"

Ceyda : "No mama"

Me: "even a glitter Santa ?

Ceyda: (now showing a grumpy face) "No"

Me : "Ok what would you like to do ? "

Ceyda : ( thinks for a really looong time and hmmms ) "play with Lucky (Our Dog) in Garden "

Me: "Ok"

1 hr later...

Me : Shall we make an Angel for the tree now

Ceyda : " No dance mummy " "Lets Dance"

At that point i gave in and we danced to Mickey Mouse Jingle Bells far far too many times..here is the jingle that is still in my head..

p.s i should note that someone inbetween all this i cleared the garden leaves..did 2 loads of washing ironed 10 shirts made dinner and threw more things into "that room".

Sweet dreams xx