Istanbul and Realisations....

Sometimes it is impossible to see somethingor understand something until you literally come away from yourself. The weekend in Istanbul allowed me this...

Wonderful beautiful and magical the three words that spring to mind when i think of Istanbul add a lot of sister love and you have the perfect trip. I have always loved Istanbul i love that i could/can loose myself there, i guess i still love it for the same reason. I lived in Istanbul for 3 years at the very start of my relationship with my husband, young and fearless i left London and the careers that awaited me behind without a second thought.( literally) 

I am still that way and it was this most recent trip that showed me this. No i didnt do anything fearless or wild but i did realise that i have that same urge to live life completely and deeply, to never look back and say" i wonder what would have happened". That same urge allowed me to completely change my life 9 years ago is different now. It is more urgent, all consuming, a deep feeling within that i perhaps have a calling that has not yet been answered. For the last year i have feared this, been confused by this and at times doubted myself as mother. I give 100% of myself to my daughter i adore her and love that i am the guide to her life yet I felt guilty for feeling or thinking that i needed more. The weekend in Istanbul (this is 3 days of clear thought) let me see that the 2 are growing into each other.. like grape vines they are nothing without the other.Instead of thinking of it as needing "more" or " less" i realised that i can merge the person that i am with the person i will become and that it ok that  its takes time.. the time is what matures the grape vines..makes then ready.

So what did we do ? I wasnt there to see the sights i was there for my sister and as it turns out to retrieve a message from myself. I dont think she was there for the sights either, but  i hope the beauty and the mysterious energy that Istanbul has,  allowed her to take a breath away from her life and stop long enough to realise that she can only give so much of herself. When we give too much to everyone.. we leave nothing for ourselves.. i hope that she asks the ghost of loss that lives in her to leave and that her healing can begin.Love you bee. 

Here are some pictures of the trip.

my beautiful baby sister 

View from Ortakoy

Skyping with our older sister ( who lives in Canada) on the roof  balcony of our hotel

All the photographs above were taken by my sister. The blog post to follow will include my pictures and the details of where we did visit as well as our lovely lovely hotel. Celal Sultan.