Back to Blogging

Its been really far to long but i am for all good intentions back to blogging. -The last few months have been full of decisions and changes, some small some so big they seem well impossible engulfing almost.I know this isn't just the case for me, i know that many of us have been lurching around with difficult energies, life decisions, life difficulties and so on. I hope that like me you have reached a point of peace, a point where the water is no longer creeping over your head.

I actually love writing even though i would hardly think of myself as good at it. I have missed talking ( i often consider blogging  conversation with friends ) about Ceyda and how are lives together as a family has grown so i hope for lots of catching up. I have missed reading the inspiring blogs of others and staying in good contact with dear friends but i really i really didn't want to continue to use my blog to to deal with life, the way i did last year and that's what it would have become, its the reason that every diary i ever had as a child could easily be mistaken for someone who is severely depressed. Writing is my therapy and the past few months i had to be engulfed alone. So i wrote but old school style and i left my poor blog behind. Old school showed me a few things that alone i am far more honest with myself and that my dyslexia is atrocious when i am under stress. ( yes i am dyslexic) Thank goodness for spell check. Anyway i am glad to be back, with hopefully a spruced up blog and new look at life.

Beautiful Boys

Jack Allan and Nathan Thomas Baxter 

Back Again !!! Ceyda Ceyda Ceyda

Proud !!

The day before i left for Toronto was Ceydas Kindergarten Art Open day.. she was so proud to show us her Art work and intoduce her English Teacher as she is unsuprisingly the teachers assistant.
Her Turkish is now almost equal and perhaps better than a her peers, for the most parts she is eager and happy to go to "School" (kinder is apparently for babies).
We have just started learning to identify letters of the alphabet in books we read so that we can start a Reading series together in the Summer.

Ceyda with her co teaching English Teacher : )

Ceyda with her class teacher Handan Hanim ( mrs. handan)

The day before the open day the teacher asked Ceyda some questions that we were given the answers to. 

Who is your best friend ? Emma

What will you be when you grow up ? Doctor 

Favoutie Film ? BOLT 

Favourite game ? Football & playing with Lucky our dog : )

Favourite Toy ? Lina her doll

Favourıte Colour ? yellow 

Favourtie word ? İ love you mummy 

Favourits thing about mummy ? Baking

Favourite thing about daddy ? he dances with me and plays Prince Charming  ( i should add that one of her teachers did actually ask me once if koray was a dancer ? as during what do your parents do week... Ceyda told everyone her daddy was a dancer.... hilarious !! i will try to find a video of koray and Ceyda dancing...and all will be clear 

Imploding Stars !!! Stellar evlolution

HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS......

One Month Break !!

Since i came back from Canada i have had so much that i wanted to blog about, yet whenever i sat to write these words and thoughts down.. They disappeared or were blocked. The changes over the past 6 weeks have been so huge that i realise that i needed weeks to contemplate them , become comfortable with them and with the person that i am. İ have spent most of this time alone...
This week past i felt the shift begin and it is welcome i am ready for it my heart mind and soul...so i didnt just stop blogging you see... İ sat still with myself for an entire month. İ let my mind wander and my soul search.Giant leaps and gestures were made and finally recieved...

Safe and Sound

I have been here just over a day now a dear friend told me that i would most likely return from Canada a different person, i actually knew this before i came here and she is right.I also spent a great deal of time thinking about how the two tiny lives of Jack and Nathan will change the lives of everyone thier parents, family friends and sisters brothers aunt uncles... i have had this image in my head ever since my sister told me that Nathans (Baby A) waters had broken on sunday in it she is lying on a bed and suddenly a sudden burst of light pure white light burst from her stomach.
We are staying in the rmhtoronto  Ronald Macdonald house in the city 5 mins from Mt. Sinai and sick kids, this place is literally magical and shows all that can be so good and great when people give.
I have never felt so humbled as i do right now. Watching my sister and her husband in such completely different roles.. i am literally blown away by them. I am literally bursting with love for my sister...

Welcome to the World and Travels

My sisters twins have arrived welcome to the world Jack and Nathan (3lbs and 8oz). Both babies are struggling a little and are in the Sick kids hospital in Toronto as they contracted cmv whilst in utero. I am heading out there at 4am tomorrow morning sans Ceyda to help and support where i can for a week, my mama will come here to "hang out" with Ceyda. ( this is what Ceyda said when i told her grandma was coming )