Super Soul Sunday

Oprah has this fantastic weekly super-soul-sunday i havent been able to watch any yet as we don't have Oprah here in Turkey at the moment ( we used to boo hoo) but i read her website and receive her super soul  sunday newsletter. This weeks Super Soul sunday will be with one of my fav writers brenebrown and i a soo want to see it.
This past Sunday i had my own Super Soul Sunday : ) i have been feeling very pushed and pulled, at times i feel as though i am fighting to find balance in everything, at times i literally feel starved of human contact.
(i guess this is what happens when you work from home alone) I find it actually impossible to connect with friends for one reason or another, last week i saw my dear friend N for the first time in 5 weeks i swear i felt like a puppy out to play. I was really super excited and so grateful to catch her before she headed off on travels.
So Sunday was as hectic as ever, Sunday is house cleaning day... washing all the ironing top to toe the house,  by 1pm i suddenly just felt ,well tired and a tad fed up. Hubbie was in the garden with a friend visiting from out of town... Ceyda playing quietly in her bedroom. So i stopped made myself a yummy latte grabbed a pile of books.. my new Brene Browne book Daring Greatly, the power of now.. Ask the angels.. a Deepak book (that i love just opening chapters with and seeing what comes to me ) and went upstairs and lay on my bed ( my bedroom is so beautiful when its sunny the light just floods the room i felt surprised i had never done this, tearful almost that i find it so difficult to to this for myself ) After reading choice chapters of my books i settled down to meditate. I could hear Ceyda in the background and the soft sound of a backgammon set downstairs and then peace. I allowed my body to re balance and rest.
Later i finished cleaning the house & hubbie pitched in when his friend left.

That night i dreamed the most amazing dream, infact i know it wasn't really a dream. I was in this huge white building with no roof, surrounded by just about everyone i had ever met in my life, we shook hands acknowledged each other with smiles it was like being at a huge ceremony and then it began to rain stars literally... it was quite beautiful.

From now on i am going to forge that little bit of time for me.

a bus full of laughs

Oh goodness what an intense time it has been...
today i had an adventure, i literally traveled out of the city and found myself in the strangest way.
I have a new Business English student who wanted private lessons at her home in Bostanli.

So here i am on the bus feeling confident that i will find my way, I change buses and ask the driver to tell me when to get off. So of we go and go and go and go and go... until roughly 45 mins later it occurs to me that we are in the middle of nowhere. I check use my google map and lo and behold , i am indeed miles and miles away from my destination.At this moment the bus driver turns and i see it dawn on him. He forgot, and so began a rather complicated yet seamless plan to return me to where i wanted to go. This ment stopping another bus and speaking to the driver...i sat on this bus for another 20mins, by now it was 11am i had left home at 8am and for all purposes had been on public transport for too many hours and was over an hr late for my lesson. So what did i do, i laughed, i laughed out loud.
There was no sweeping panic or frantic texts... the message was so loud and clear to me.. those who are lost will be found...

oh wow i wish i had has the time to finish this before i posted. Sounds a bit on the odd side the way it is above what i ment to say way that i have this resounding feeling perhaps through guidance that eveything will simply be as it is supposed to. The panic and stress make no difference at all to the end result.

Tired but Insipred

I am sitting in my bed listening to the rain outside, i love the rain in Izmir, we have had the most beautiful few days but the air felt heavy and polluted by wood/ plastic will burn anything to stay warm fires. Last night after sitting outside in the warmth of the full moon and falling into a deep and tired sleep, i actually woke dreaming of rain. Freshness... just thinking about it makes me want to inhale deeply. Last week i took my first ever solo work trip, i was by all accounts actually quite terrified, the trip went well, by day 3 Ceyda wasnt even too worried about speaking to me  telling me "mummy i will see you in 3 days". I missed her terribly.I realise she is as much my security blanket as i am hers. 4 hour flights are boring..and life doesnt seem quite right when there is noone to read a bed time story to. 

For me the trip made me realise how much of life is a work in progress, the greatest extent of my socialization over the past few years has been a few overcrowded (but fun) playgroups and relaxing coffees with wonderful friends. In an office environment my heart literally pounds, i think that in my case i have actually forgotten how to behave, i even forgot how to argue effectively, words come tumbling out instead of sentences. Work in progress. 

I am tired but inpired to be a good role model for my daughter, to support my quite awesome sister and find a new sense of balance. Life is still complicated, two weeks ago we/i sold the remaining shares of our company here. Leaving behind failure is not an easy thing to do, i have worked very hard on this, on not allowing it to affect me too deeply..talking my Ego out of my mind, cautious to protect those that feel a deep sense of wrong doing by it. The sense of relief was so huge that i spent most of that day finally allowing myself to feel all the feelings that i had been so careful to keep wrapped up. My Ego slept soundly as i tried to clear my soul of the burden, can we do this ? I dont know ? I want to think so.t i do know that i chose not to carry this failure with me for the rest of my life. I have accepted it, learned harshly from it but there will be no scars. 

Wow almost Feb already

So here i am finally finally getting back to blogging. I think i pretty much need it for my sanity these days.

We had a pretty unbeatable end to 2012 and start of 2013 with a family hotel holiday trip. It was magic in all senses of the word We stayed near London at the Luton Hoo over Christmas and then drove to Wiltshire where my mother was born for New Year so we could see family as well. We stayed at Woolley Grange in Bradford Upon avon and loved it there highly recommened to families. Quaint village shopping, beautiful scenery, fantastic Zoo trip.. great Spas... insane amounts of food and far to many French Martinis. This is how is will remember the end of 2012 and the start of 2013.
Ceyda adored spending so much time with her cousins Max, Nate and Jack now we are really looking forward to visiting then in Canada this summer.

Ceyda and Max

Will try to add some more pictures later.

So what are we doing now. We are for now staying in Izmir, I am working on a few project within the family business and trying to stay sane whiclst working from home. So Bodrum is on hold... for now. 2013 is already an interesting year. Roll on Feb !!

12.12.12

Clean slate

Back to Blogging

Its been really far to long but i am for all good intentions back to blogging. -The last few months have been full of decisions and changes, some small some so big they seem well impossible engulfing almost.I know this isn't just the case for me, i know that many of us have been lurching around with difficult energies, life decisions, life difficulties and so on. I hope that like me you have reached a point of peace, a point where the water is no longer creeping over your head.

I actually love writing even though i would hardly think of myself as good at it. I have missed talking ( i often consider blogging  conversation with friends ) about Ceyda and how are lives together as a family has grown so i hope for lots of catching up. I have missed reading the inspiring blogs of others and staying in good contact with dear friends but i really i really didn't want to continue to use my blog to to deal with life, the way i did last year and that's what it would have become, its the reason that every diary i ever had as a child could easily be mistaken for someone who is severely depressed. Writing is my therapy and the past few months i had to be engulfed alone. So i wrote but old school style and i left my poor blog behind. Old school showed me a few things that alone i am far more honest with myself and that my dyslexia is atrocious when i am under stress. ( yes i am dyslexic) Thank goodness for spell check. Anyway i am glad to be back, with hopefully a spruced up blog and new look at life.