Tired but Insipred

I am sitting in my bed listening to the rain outside, i love the rain in Izmir, we have had the most beautiful few days but the air felt heavy and polluted by wood/ plastic will burn anything to stay warm fires. Last night after sitting outside in the warmth of the full moon and falling into a deep and tired sleep, i actually woke dreaming of rain. Freshness... just thinking about it makes me want to inhale deeply. Last week i took my first ever solo work trip, i was by all accounts actually quite terrified, the trip went well, by day 3 Ceyda wasnt even too worried about speaking to me  telling me "mummy i will see you in 3 days". I missed her terribly.I realise she is as much my security blanket as i am hers. 4 hour flights are boring..and life doesnt seem quite right when there is noone to read a bed time story to. 

For me the trip made me realise how much of life is a work in progress, the greatest extent of my socialization over the past few years has been a few overcrowded (but fun) playgroups and relaxing coffees with wonderful friends. In an office environment my heart literally pounds, i think that in my case i have actually forgotten how to behave, i even forgot how to argue effectively, words come tumbling out instead of sentences. Work in progress. 

I am tired but inpired to be a good role model for my daughter, to support my quite awesome sister and find a new sense of balance. Life is still complicated, two weeks ago we/i sold the remaining shares of our company here. Leaving behind failure is not an easy thing to do, i have worked very hard on this, on not allowing it to affect me too deeply..talking my Ego out of my mind, cautious to protect those that feel a deep sense of wrong doing by it. The sense of relief was so huge that i spent most of that day finally allowing myself to feel all the feelings that i had been so careful to keep wrapped up. My Ego slept soundly as i tried to clear my soul of the burden, can we do this ? I dont know ? I want to think so.t i do know that i chose not to carry this failure with me for the rest of my life. I have accepted it, learned harshly from it but there will be no scars. 

Wow almost Feb already

So here i am finally finally getting back to blogging. I think i pretty much need it for my sanity these days.

We had a pretty unbeatable end to 2012 and start of 2013 with a family hotel holiday trip. It was magic in all senses of the word We stayed near London at the Luton Hoo over Christmas and then drove to Wiltshire where my mother was born for New Year so we could see family as well. We stayed at Woolley Grange in Bradford Upon avon and loved it there highly recommened to families. Quaint village shopping, beautiful scenery, fantastic Zoo trip.. great Spas... insane amounts of food and far to many French Martinis. This is how is will remember the end of 2012 and the start of 2013.
Ceyda adored spending so much time with her cousins Max, Nate and Jack now we are really looking forward to visiting then in Canada this summer.

Ceyda and Max

Will try to add some more pictures later.

So what are we doing now. We are for now staying in Izmir, I am working on a few project within the family business and trying to stay sane whiclst working from home. So Bodrum is on hold... for now. 2013 is already an interesting year. Roll on Feb !!

12.12.12

Clean slate

Back to Blogging

Its been really far to long but i am for all good intentions back to blogging. -The last few months have been full of decisions and changes, some small some so big they seem well impossible engulfing almost.I know this isn't just the case for me, i know that many of us have been lurching around with difficult energies, life decisions, life difficulties and so on. I hope that like me you have reached a point of peace, a point where the water is no longer creeping over your head.

I actually love writing even though i would hardly think of myself as good at it. I have missed talking ( i often consider blogging  conversation with friends ) about Ceyda and how are lives together as a family has grown so i hope for lots of catching up. I have missed reading the inspiring blogs of others and staying in good contact with dear friends but i really i really didn't want to continue to use my blog to to deal with life, the way i did last year and that's what it would have become, its the reason that every diary i ever had as a child could easily be mistaken for someone who is severely depressed. Writing is my therapy and the past few months i had to be engulfed alone. So i wrote but old school style and i left my poor blog behind. Old school showed me a few things that alone i am far more honest with myself and that my dyslexia is atrocious when i am under stress. ( yes i am dyslexic) Thank goodness for spell check. Anyway i am glad to be back, with hopefully a spruced up blog and new look at life.

Beautiful Boys

Jack Allan and Nathan Thomas Baxter 

Back Again !!! Ceyda Ceyda Ceyda

Proud !!

The day before i left for Toronto was Ceydas Kindergarten Art Open day.. she was so proud to show us her Art work and intoduce her English Teacher as she is unsuprisingly the teachers assistant.
Her Turkish is now almost equal and perhaps better than a her peers, for the most parts she is eager and happy to go to "School" (kinder is apparently for babies).
We have just started learning to identify letters of the alphabet in books we read so that we can start a Reading series together in the Summer.

Ceyda with her co teaching English Teacher : )

Ceyda with her class teacher Handan Hanim ( mrs. handan)

The day before the open day the teacher asked Ceyda some questions that we were given the answers to. 

Who is your best friend ? Emma

What will you be when you grow up ? Doctor 

Favoutie Film ? BOLT 

Favourite game ? Football & playing with Lucky our dog : )

Favourite Toy ? Lina her doll

Favourıte Colour ? yellow 

Favourtie word ? İ love you mummy 

Favourits thing about mummy ? Baking

Favourite thing about daddy ? he dances with me and plays Prince Charming  ( i should add that one of her teachers did actually ask me once if koray was a dancer ? as during what do your parents do week... Ceyda told everyone her daddy was a dancer.... hilarious !! i will try to find a video of koray and Ceyda dancing...and all will be clear