Find my home...

I love this song..and these beautiful Quotes...

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” 
― Maya Angelou

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.” 
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” 
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” 
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper


That last one... have i isolated myself so much.. that much...an empty rhythm of life around me... for me loneliness is all of the above, except its hard to be lonely when you don't know what you are lonely for ? What would fill that void ?
I am certain now that ended friendships would have ended naturally anyway... i have not seen a single person since last year.. no friends... no acquaintances.. here.. my choice... my cave of hibernation. No phone calls.. miscommunication with a sister that i considered a soul friend.....cut off just like that...the world is still turning but i am not, i have stalled completely...i'm waiting.. its hard i don't know what exactly i am waiting for.. my soul whispers to "stay strong" "hold on" my body feels numb from exhaustion.. i have this recurring vision of being in a completely glass room... i cant move as when i do the cracks form..  there's no one to catch me when i come crashing through that glass... Just me, so i am standing still, perfectly still waiting.... for mother time.