This past few weeks have been such a huge revelation for me, so many tiny little windows of my soul have opened.
I honestly don't think there are words to explain how since the last full moon and lunar eclipse, how different i feel, and how different everything else feels. It good, its gentle and flowing.
Much of life's struggles are the same but ultimately i am different, i am accepting this owning it and living deeply and authentically.
The past week was Bayram here in Turkey and my husband daughter and i spent the week together as a family.
It was a precious week, full of fun laughter and joy,Turkish movies that made me cry, coffee and cakes and love, it was really full of the love we have for each other as a family regardless of our individual struggles.
I am reading again,i have joined some new online communities and set myself new goals, personal and work related. I am Daring Greatly as one my fav author Brene Brown would say. Thankyou Brene !
I recently read this article on The difference between third and ffith dimensional relationships such a wonderful site growingconsciousness.com and such a comforting, affirming, beautiful article.
I have been doing alot of energy work, gently slowly trying to read the signs and allow myself to both understand my empathy, make positive use it and where necessary protect myself.
I found this channel on youtube called Infinite waters this one video on How to stop absorbing other peoples energy is worth looking at if you are an intuitive empath.
I understand now that there is no right and wrong, and that when my empathy/intuition involves me it is very hard to read correctly as my own emotions intermingle, but thats ok.
A while ago a person told me that i was a good energy blocker, they said that i had a way of blocking myself from having my energy read i didn't really understand, i was told this again when i joined an online intuitive community and posted a picture.. every reply was that i couldn't be read. A member personally messaged me and said that she suspected that i was struggling very badly but that i had learned to energy block as a self preservation, she said she felt this as it was something that she can do.
I didn't give it too much thought again until this week, i was reminded of a coffee chat i had with a couple of friends... that day i dressed up.. wore heals, a nicer than normal outfit..i had Ceyda with me.
From the outside i must have looked very together buoyant, positive... happy about everything... (apparently that is how i looked)
The truth was of course that i was crumbling in fact i found myself telling a friend this week that actually all i had wanted to do that day was crawl into a ball and collapse, i was exhausted...
I kept that quippy positive me going until the bus ride home where i sat and cried behind my sunglasses with Ceyda on my knee.
The next day i didn't get of bed. A few days later a dear friend called when i was in bed at 10am and i got up made coffee... i don't really remember anything else.
I realize looking back that most of the summer i didn't feel that great, i felt as though i had lost the radar signal and was out at sea.
Now it makes sense that the week before i went to Scotland i started having panic attacks, the kind where you feel like you will die. I think all my bodily emotions started playing catch up and the cracks, the real cracks showed.All of the resistance the blocking/ in my body needed shaking out of me. I felt very grateful for the support my younger sister gave me as she had been through something similar.
I felt very grateful that i had those few days in Scotland alone...
There has been no 360 degrees of change but everyday i feel calmer more in tune... and that can only be a good thing and its good to here : ).....
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