Ponder Wander...

First of all i love the word ponder... 

I feel as though i have been Pondering alot over the last few weeks, and i guess all this pondering has in a strange way led to a transformation of my thoughts. Over the past 3-4 months at times i have felt so overwhelmed and confused and desperate for signs and answers for so many things that i only tired myself more , i have overpondered so to say.

Then something strange happened i somehow arrived in a place where i have never been, i had started to loosen the intense grip i had on all these ponderings...several weeks alone can give you alot of clarity. For me the message was to stop standstill..breathe and be in the moment. I am not sure if i am making any sense ? but suddenly the pondering led to answers or perhaps the closure of subjects and issues. I feel that somehow i am very different that i am not the person that i was 4 months ago...i am making conscious choices that are entirely true to myself without the concerns i had before. 

If anyone reading this doesnt know me well i am an empath, a fixer, a mediator a go between, i have many aquaintances but a handful of dear friends, my effort to continually help and nuture others allowed me to think that i an completely open but infact it is the opposite i am closed hidden constantly by the worries and strains or difficulties of others. Most of these people strangers that i take under my wing. I believe this was who i was ment to be as i chose that for myelf. My senstivity to other peoples feelings energies always leaves me wanting to help them feel more at home in the world..i cant think of a better way to explain it. 

But something has changed not i a selfish way but in a way that will help me to be truer to myself and open myself , i cant do this hiding behind the energies of others..constantly reaching for connections , i have  to find my own shadow.

Sweet Dreams xx