This is my 100th blog post hence the 100 reference.
I didnt even mention it before because i think i was thinking somehow it would never happen. Ceyda has started Kindergarten...i cant even blog about it as i feel such guilt. Her Turkish is so far behind (especially after being away so much )that really she has to start a Turkish Kindergarten now... but its sooo hard yesterday wasnt so bad but today the tears as i dropped her off and then the tears when i picked her up. Tonight after her story she asked if she was going again tomorrow and i said yes the tears then followed..after kisses and chatting about school she told me " its boring at school" " i miss my friend Emma Aiden and Louis " and the hardest of all that she is worried that i am alone. Emma lives 1 hr from us Louis lives in Scotland and Aiden is about to move back to the states. Oh i hope she makes a nice new friend she loves to hold hands and is used to being very close with other kids. Man this mummy stuff is hard i love having her a home with me we bake do art projects go on long walks see friends but we dont speak Turkish.
She will go 4 full days a week to start Tues through Fri 9.30 till 4.30 ( although i can also pick her up after lunch) While she is a school her teachers say she is fine even ventured a few words in Turkish after 2 days...her teacher thinks a longer day is better as it will speed up her language learning and allow her to bond with the other kids who are all full time ( 5 days a week )9-6. Oh my heart is breaking and i do miss her, and what did is do the i last 2 days manic cleaning... coffee and rather depressing to admit short converastions with my dog..
 |
| Ceyda on her first day |
Sweetie, I sympathize so. Emma started kindergarden in German and she had not even heard the language before but now she is fluent, has loads of friends and absolutely loves it. A part from it not being good for YOU - Ceyda will feel your guilt and sadness so try - for both of you and I know SO much easier said than done! - to be happy about this & ENJOY. It's a great development for her to learn the language of her country (half) and meet local friends who hopefully will stick around. Also a great opportunity for you to meet up with friends, read, write, work, rest, shop and do all the stuff it's impossible to do with a little one around. If I were you, I'd go out tomorrow and by yourself something nice and then have a coffee with a friend, or read a book (I am currently enjoying "The Help" -lovely). Once you are happier without her, Ceyda will be too. And you will always be her dear one and only Mummy and be able to bake, walk sing with her ;-) Sending brave vibes your way & hoping Ceyda find a little friend hand to hold soon. I definitely think being a Mum is the hardest job in the world!!! Hugs! (sorry, hope I don't sound to pep talky!!!)
ReplyDeleteHi Sandra no its not peppy at all its exactly what i needed to hear, i just need to find my feet i guess, today when i picked her up i got to secretly watch her for a while and she seemed so happy i realised that i have to let her settle and make this about her and her needs, right now she needs to learn Turkish and local friends.
ReplyDeleteThankyou ı hope the moveing stress is lessening
will email soon
xx
Yes, being a mom is hard, but it pays of! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will be the best for her, and you know it. It's always good for a child to bond with other childs, or they end up buildind a cocoon and live inside it. You're being brave!
**
So glad you were able to watch her being happy at kindergarden - that is the most reassuring thing ever. ;-)
ReplyDeleteStress levels still manageable... for now ;-)
xoxo