Searching...

This year has been an incredibly tough year for me. The best way i can describe it is to say that most of the time i have felt like i was stuck in the wash spin cycle of my washing machine. ( sometimes i still do) Exhausting...exhilarating...yet there was no grand event in my life to precipitate these feelings. 
Or maybe there was ? On my 30th birthday i felt panicked...i had met with an old friend who voiced that she felt disappointed with who i had become add several other elements... an argument with a family member and the ground beneath me suddenly didn't feel so secure...all of the time and work i had spent healing and centering myself suddenly felt lost. Of course this wasn't the only reason my free fall began, i also allowed myself to be washed away with this. I am not talking about depression or intense sadness just a feeling that i was stuck in a fast moving crowd with everything moving at great speed around me. 
Lonely yet suffocated.  In hindsight my world was simply expanding dormant ideas and thoughts were growing. I was starting a new chapter of my me "ness" and to do that i need a good wash and tumble to shake some stuff out. You can tell by my writing style that i am non specific so i hope this at least makes some sense. There is one sense and feeling that never wavered during this time and that was me as a mother. I am happy that this bump in the road didnt have any bearing on my ability as a mother.                     I have always considered myself a spiritual person...at 17 i remember quite clearly telling our Catholic Priest at Boarding School that i would be the only person in my year not to be confirmed as i felt that there were too many unanswered questions for me. The result was 12 weeks of Bible classes that also failed to answer those questions (although i am sure at 17 my Taureen stubbornness may have also had a hand)         I consider my life a spiritual journey. The past few weeks a recurring thought has been bothering me about the ifs and whats  regarding the darkness of spirituality ? I believe in the balance of everything.
Then today the answer came to me in the form of a website i found. http://www.psychicbutsane.com here i found an article entitled The Dark Side of Spirtuality... to read the article see below http://www.psychicbutsane.com/annas-journey/my-past-experiences-with-fundamentalist-spiritual-teachers-healers
I feel like recently lots of things keep finding me.I want to thank the author Anna for talking about the Dark Side of the New Age Movement.I found the article really interesting.Gosh i am suddenly really tired and i want to be brave and post this before i delete it...to be continued...